A Champion’s Swing

Any good coach will guide an athlete to develop good habits, and propel them to succeed.

The other day I listened to the story of a woman who lamented the fact that she did not receive the correction she needed from her coaches in order to improve her tennis game. She admitted that although she was pretty good in high school she had developed bad swing habits that prevented her from becoming great at the sport, and also led to soft tissue damage in her wrists.

Anyone who enjoys golf can relate to her story. How many of us golfers believe that our swing is decent but for some reason it just does not produce good results? At the same time, we notice our friend’s swing and sometimes wonder how he can even make contact with the ball. I like to think that I handle constructive criticism easily, yet I admit that I cringe when someone tries to give me a little advice on my golf swing. Why is that? Apparently, I would rather go on making the same mistakes, getting the same rotten results, and being frustrated at a bad score than I would accept a suggestion to change things for the better.

This concept of a friendly correction or criticism applies no matter how often one practices because, quite frankly, practicing all the wrong things just leads to continued failure. The difference is made when someone with an outside perspective has the courage to notice your wrong method, then proposes a solution to you, and you take their advice. Champions heed the advice of their coaches because that advice leads to corrections, big and small, that affect the performance and ultimately the result of their efforts. That’s why it is important to have a coach who recognizes the faults in your swing and works with you to correct them.

The same goes for accepting correction from friends. Correction is uncomfortable. I would rather enjoy the comfort of enthusiastic praise. Despite the benefits of positive reinforcement, real growth takes place when someone close to us loves us enough to help us correct our faults.

Better is open rebuke

    than hidden love.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend;

    profuse are the kisses of an enemy.

Iron sharpens iron,

    and one man sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:5-6, 17

We need to recognize those moments when our friends “wound” us with a rebuke, and to thank them for their kind correction. We also need to be alert for flattering “kisses” of those who would see us fail (whether intentional or not). Rebukes point out the error and change our lives for the better when communicated and accepted properly. Flattery, however, can subtly lead to ruin because it fails to correct the mistake. The Bible assures us that flattery is a trap.

A man who flatters his neighbor

    spreads a net for his feet.

An evil man is ensnared in his transgression,

    but a righteous man sings and rejoices

Proverbs 29:5-6

Allow me to demonstrate with a story of mine. When I was about 13, my father signed us both up to be on the “Usher Team” at church. One part of our duties was to greet church goers and to escort them to a pew. One particular Sunday, after having greeted over 100 people I returned to the back of the church building to get ready for our next duty. Only then did I notice that my pants fly (zipper) was down. I had greeted a multitude, some who knew me well and some who did not, with a smile and handshake all while exposed to the breeze. Not one person suggested that I correct the situation. Nowadays, I rely on my wife to provide the correction, which she readily does, so that I do not embarrass her in public.

I bring up this issue of flattery versus rebuke because it has been on my mind lately. I have come to appreciate the fact that friends and family love me enough to point out my faults and come up with a recommendation to fix it. Because of this I am a better father, husband, friend, attorney, public speaker, etc. Without the input from these trusted sources, I would continue to unknowingly make the same mistakes. Yet, how often do I do the same for my friends or family?

So many good people provided support as well as advice and guidance to us during our difficult time caring for Jacob. We will never be able to properly thank them, but I resolve to do a better job paying that forward. In the meantime, I hope you will join me in understanding and accepting the constructive criticism from friends. They mean to help, not harm, us and doing so could make us “champions” some day.