The Non-Burden

(Original appeared May 2, 2016)

I believe that Deb and I now have a new appreciation for all sorts of things compared to how we viewed things before April 9. Some highlights might be: discussions about Right-to-Life; running the race and fighting the fight; being a parent/spouse; time management; life priorities; and so on. For me (Rob), I used to look at these things as various plates I had to keep spinning, like you might see in a talent show. Perhaps another way to look at it would be bags that I would carry. Small priority items were small bags, that might fit into a pocket. Higher priorities would be reflected in a larger, heavier bag slung over a shoulder. As more things came at me in life, the baggage added up. Heavier, and more difficult to handle, this baggage would hinder my walk with God and my ability to do His will for me. I confess (and I don’t speak for Deb on this one, just so you know) that my initial gut feeling from my selfish nature looked at Jacob’s arrival as about the largest suitcase ever handled by an airline worker thrust upon my shoulders at the expense of every other bag I was holding. I carried that heavy bag, along with the rest of them, for some time. Then it dawned on me: I’m looking at this all wrong. I had forgotten the petition in the prayer I’ve said 10,000 times during my life: “Give me (us) this day my (our) daily bread…”.
This new situation wasn’t an added burden at all. Neither was all of the other stuff I was dealing with – that I thought was accumulating on my back. Instead, I began to look at life as a conveyor belt. (I still think this is all a Steeplechase, but go with me here for a second). God has equipped me, and continues to train me, to handle the widgets coming down the belt. Sometimes the widgets need fixing. Other times they are absolute gems as is. My prayer is not to release the baggage – He has already done that for me. In fact, He’s already ordered me to let it all drop.

(Matt 11:28-30: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”; Ps 55:22: “Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.”)

Instead, my prayer is that the belt moves only as fast as I can handle, and that He gives me the ability to handle the widgets as they come down the line. I am to concentrate on each moment at a time, and let Him take care of the rest. Upon my fervent prayers, my hope then is that things don’t turn into that famous scene at the chocolate factory from I Love Lucy.
The current update with Jacob is that he had quite an episode yesterday that brought his heart rate very low, and they had to bag him again. He slowly got back to “normal”. His kidney output is still very little. They’ve been changing up the meds to help, but that hasn’t worked well. Today they plan to do an ultrasound on his kidneys to detect any blockage that might have occurred. Overall, the staff seems to be rather encouraged that he’s acting normal, which still scares us to death on most occasions as we watch him ride his roller coaster during this journey. We are tolerating that ride better now, and joke that we’re old veterans compared to what we were that first week. They will try the PIC line again sometime this week and we really hope that is a success. Time is getting crucial on that. He underwent another blood transfusion yesterday – his first in quite a while. We’re thankful that his blood results seemed to have made some progress. The focus now seems to be his kidneys. The fluid retention is pretty severe at this point and all of his limbs are swollen. I don’t think I’ve ever prayed this much for pee. We’re going to discuss with the staff the idea of getting rid of some or all of the kidney meds, and getting him back on straight breast milk to see if that squares things away. It could be risky, but nothing else seems to work at the moment. We’ll deal with that when it comes down the belt. -R