(Original appeared June 24, 2016)

Today is another bitter-sweet day for us. It marks one month since Jacob was called home. We continue to  battle feelings of sadness and longing against joy and relief. Continue reading “One month since he left” →

(Original appeared June 17, 2016)

The parents of Andrew Landry, the struggling young golfer who currently leads the US Open, sent the following text to his parents: Continue reading “PGA and Parents” →

(Original appeared June 16, 2016)

The following article comes on the heels of our last post regarding faith formation in our children. Continue reading “This is why…” →

(Original appeared June 14, 2016)

When I get to Heaven, I fully expect to be welcomed into Jesus’ arms. But I also fully expect him to ask me one question. Continue reading “Should I Expect Them?” →

(Original appeared June 13, 2016)

Deb and I are doing well overall now that we’ve reached nearly three weeks since Jacob left us. Continue reading “Absence of the “Rush”” →

(Original appeared June 9, 2016)

Today marks two months since Jacob’s birth. Continue reading “Two Months” →

(Original appeared June 8, 2016)

“The grass withers, the flower fades when the breath of the Lord blows on it; surely the people are grass. The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.” Isaiah 40:7-8 Continue reading “Grass” →

(Original appeared June 7, 2016)

“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever.” Psalm 30:11‭-‬12 Continue reading “Wailing into Dancing” →

(Original appeared June 6, 2016)

Continuing with our previous comments about we are learning to trust God in all of this, and how we often think of Him telling us “I’ve got this”, Deb and I thought of all of this as one ongoing conversation with God. We imagine it going something like this:

Us: God, didn’t you see this agony coming, and if so, why did it have to happen?
God: Of course I saw it coming. I’ve been here since the beginning and will be here at the end. I Am the Alpha and the Omega. (Rev 1:8) I see things you don’t see, and you need to trust me.

Us:  So, you gave us Jacob, only to take him away?
God: Yes. I give and I take away. (Job 1:21). I have a purpose for Jacob, and for you. (Romans 8:28). I showed you my power by giving you another child – that I can overcome obstacles and conditions you thought were permanent. I showed you my love for you. Please trust me.

Us: But that seems so cruel. Why would you do it that way?
God: My ways are not your ways. Nor are my thoughts your thoughts (Hebrews 12:2). I see the big picture; you just need to trust me.

Us: Our minds just can’t wrap around all of this, and our heart aches. How is this for our good? We just don’t understand.
God: This is for your good. But it’s also for the good of others in ways you cannot see. Trust in me with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)

Us: Ok. We will trust you. But sometimes it is tough to do that. We might stumble.
God: Love me with all your heart, soul, mind, and with all your strength. (Mark 12:30). Be confident in me and I will keep you from stumbling. (Proverbs 3:26). I have established your steps, and will hold your hand. You can be joyful that I’ve got this. (Psalms 37:23-24).

(Original appeared June 3, 2016)

Have you ever noticed the disassembly process needed to turn a factory automobile into a race car? The power seats are ripped out and replaced with sturdy lightweight versions. The engine and suspension are replaced. Eventually you are left to wonder just how much of the original remains. The new car barely resembles the old and, if done properly, the new version is far superior to the old.

This is what the last few months have seemed like to us – the process of converting a slow and inefficient design into something built for a purpose. The process has been rough and painful much of the time. On a few occasions could we see the progression and enjoy what the possibilities could mean for us, but most of the time it was more akin to a root canal. We also have a suspicion that this journey has had an impact on you as well. The warm words, and expressions of love, we’ve received throughout (and particularly after Jacob’s passing) have convinced us that you too have joined us in the disassembly process.

I recall shortly after Jacob was born driving along and feeling sorry for myself. Gripping the wheel tightly with both hands, I asked “God, why is it so hard to let go of the old?” At the time, I’m not sure I knew what I was talking about. I just had an idea that Deb and I were in for an involuntary, significant change in our lives and that it would be tough given the fact that we were pretty set in our routine. Little did I know just how much I would need to let go of the old. That process is downright frightening, but all personal growth is that way. It’s a progression of ridding yourself of the old, tired stuff that weighs you down. Then you endure, embrace, and appreciate the new. This process can take days, weeks or years. So far, Deb and I have made some decent progress. And yet, there’s a sense of anxiety about what lies around the corner. We’re confident that God will embrace us throughout this disassembly process because, quite frankly, He’s in charge of it!